


Anniversaries

by LelianasSong



Category: World of Warcraft
Genre: F/F, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Parent Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 12:56:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21635104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LelianasSong/pseuds/LelianasSong
Summary: Years after her father's death, Jaina still feels the pain keenly, paritcularly on every anniversary of his demise.
Relationships: Jaina Proudmoore/Sylvanas Windrunner
Comments: 11
Kudos: 123





	Anniversaries

**Author's Note:**

> This is a catharsis fic.

Jaina lay amongst the warmth of her sheets, cocooned in her fort of protection. Her own personal barricade. It was hard to leave her sheets today, enough so that her wife had taken to sitting beside her. Sylvanas glanced over occasionally, away from the reports in her hand and squeezed where Jaina’s leg resided under all of the layers that were shielding her. No words were uttered. Just silent solidarity as Sylvanas made sure that Jaina wouldn’t be alone on this day. For it was that day, wasn’t it?

With wars and internal conflicts, responsibilities and meetings, Jaina had always found this day the worst of them all. There was nothing truly that anyone could do to stop it. It was simply the way of things. Sniffling, Jaina ducked her head amongst the sheets, trying to force memories from her mind that seemed to bombard her every second of this anniversary. 

There she knelt on Theremore, her father’s head upon her lap as she tucked strands of his hair out of his face. The way she felt that pulse of life die beneath her fingers; the chill as his body seemed to steadily grow cold. She had sat there for so long, weeping, cursing and mourning for her father’s stubbornous. His vengeance had been his downfall. So many years she had tried to remind herself of this. So many years and yet now she still wept with pain and guilt. She thought she had faced this all those years ago in Thros, so had so many others too, but that had merely been the first step towards healing. It did not take away the guilt, it did not remove the pain that dulled all feeling in her chest until it felt as if she was being drowned within her own body and mind.

It was hard; so very hard. The anniversary of her father’s death stung as keenly as it always had. How many lives had been lost since then? How many friends had she seen slaughtered and yet here she was, still mourning the death of innocence that had happened so many years ago in Kalimdor?

“Jaina…” Sylvanas spoke, her voice soft and imploring, the ethereal edge no longer sending a shiver down her spine that it once had. Now she just wished to hear it more. “Come rest your head on me. I have you.”

No words were needed. No thank you necessary, as Sylvanas put down her reports and allowed Jaina to shuffle herself until her head rested upon her lap. Long, skilful fingers carded through shock white hair, stroking and soothing her until Jaina felt her sniffles ease if only for a bit. Pressing her face into Sylvanas’ thigh, she took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of her lover until all phantom smells were diminished. Salty brine and iron blood were replaced with the scent of leather and sandalwood. The familiar smells of Sylvanas lightened her chest if only a fraction, sending the blurred edges of her brain into more focus. It was not perfect. It was not absolute. But it helped and that was all that mattered.

“It… is okay to feel. You taught me that,” Sylvanas continued, her voice edged with affectionate warmth as she twirled the streak of blonde around her finger.

“Are you sure?” Jaina laughed, trying desperately to fake a smile. “That doesn’t sound right?”

“Don’t hide behind that smile. I know what it means. Do you wish to talk?”

“No, I’ll only repeat what I’ve said before,” she murmured, wrapping an arm around Sylvanas’ middle and pressing her face into her stomach. “Don’t need to bother you with that again.”

“It’s no bother, you know that. Jaina, you cannot keep reaching out a hand to me and then shutting me out when it is you who are in pain. That is not how this works.” There was a soft huff from above, as Sylvanas moved herself slightly, gingerly supporting Jaina’s head while she tried to get comfortable. “Talk to me.”

“You’re always so demanding…” Jaina scoffed, her eyes closed as she felt the way Sylvanas’ body moved beneath her. 

“I demand as much of you as you demand of me. Has that not always been the case?”

“Perhaps.”

“Exactly, so please, won’t you indulge me this?”

“What do you wish for me to say?” Jaina asked, tilting her head up and narrowing her eyes. “That I weep for my father? For the guilt that refuses to leave me? I know what I did was right. I know it. You know it. Even my mother and brother understand! So why in the void can I not seem to shake this feeling from my chest? I’m tired of it. I want it gone. It’s the same as every year.”

Sylvanas stayed quiet, merely listening as Jaina continued. She wished to stop, to silence and bury her words and thoughts amongst sheets and pillows. Maybe even drag Sylvanas’ lips to hers and demand that all of her emotions were fucked into submission, chased away with nothing but the sensation of lips and teeth and fingers. But she knew that afterwards she would feel hollow. She always did after those interactions and Sylvanas had noticed it too. There would be no convincing her to partake in that anymore. Her wife had grown too concerned, too perceptive, too loving. Funny, right now she wished she hadn’t gained any of these things, but Jaina knew that she cherished them. It was merely the darkness in her heart right now that said any different.

“I’m so sick of feeling this hatred. It’s… I thought it was the Horde I hated. I thought I hated you too. But all I’ve come to know, all that I know right now, is that hatred spills forth from myself. There is no hatred greater than the one I harbour for myself. I know this. I can’t stop this. Why can’t I stop this?” Jaina spoke, her words wobbling as a fresh wave of tears streamed down her cheeks. “Why do I wish it had been me?”

“We both know I have no answers to that, Jaina. After all, we both know you are not alone in this. Forgiveness is hard but it is valuable, is that not what you once said to me?” Sylvanas moved to cup her cheeks, forcing Jaina to look up at her. Those shining red eyes burned with intensity, a fearsome protectiveness as she pulled Jaina up into a proper embrace.

“Mmm, stop using my own words against me,” Jaina chuckled, wrapping her legs against Sylvanas’ waist and her arms around her neck. She felt safer here, wrapped around the strong body against her. 

“We’re in this together Jaina,” Sylvanas chuckled in kind, rubbing her back delicately. “If you need to cry, cry. If you need to scream, scream. But always remember…”

“To forgive. What did I  _ say _ about using my words?”

“Well if I say them, maybe you’ll actually take your own damned advice for once.”

Pouting, Jaina buried her face in Sylvanas’ neck. Her scent was stronger here, grounding her to the present and keeping those memories at bay. The quieting pulse beneath her fingertips disappeared, replaced with strong muscles that flexed beneath them. The chill was not that of her father but brimming with just that hint of magic that was keeping Sylvanas here with her. Always here by her side. Never flinching away, at least not anymore. Holding and caring and filling her with strength. Now the both of them were wrapped in blankets, something Jaina had barely even registered in her movements. They were both within her protective sphere. Together in their misery. 

“I love you,” Jaina whispered, feeling her words spill from her mouth unbidden from the depths of her easing chest.

“I love you too, Jaina. As hard as it’s been, it has been worth it.”

Sniffling again, Jaina kissed Sylvanas on the neck before pulling back with a watery smile. It was with the strength of Sylvanas’ own encouraging smile that Jaina placed her first steps upon the hardwood of their floor, peeling herself from bed and standing firm against the new day. Hands seemed to follow her, supporting her back as Sylvanas stood up too and a warm embrace enveloped her from behind.

“I have a gift for you in the library,” Sylvanas whispered, as she smoothed her hands down the front of Jaina’s nightgown.

“If it’s sex, I’m not in the mood,” Jaina quipped, enjoying the way Sylvanas pinched her waist.

“No, it’s not. It’s breakfast and a book, but that’s all the information you’re getting.” 

Sylvanas finally let go of her, allowing her to walk towards the washroom, where she could begin to truly get ready for the day. It was strange, there were years when she had not made it this far. When her sadness had felt like chains that held her to her bed and forbid her from moving. It was strange to think that her wife, someone whom she had never wanted to marry in the beginning at all, was the one who had helped her. That Sylvanas and all their history, had sat and listened when others had felt so unapproachable. 

Turning around before she closed the door behind her, Jaina looked over to where Sylvanas was watching over her, a warm smile coming to her lips. “Thank you… truly.”

Nodding, Sylvanas smiled back at her, encouragement and pride fuelling her eyes with such vibrancy. “Anything for you, Jaina. Anything.”


End file.
